International Anthem from Entschwindet und Vergeht

Dougie has outdone himself again..
http://youyouidiot.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/the-international-anthem.html

Keith's Dad's Ghost Offers Some Help With The Gardening

   Keith was about to mow his mum's lawn when his dad appeared. This was peculiar because Keith's dad had been dead for twelve months now.
   "Savour every moment," said Keith's dad. Keith looked at him, stunned.
   "What?"
   "Savour every moment,"
   "Right... How are..."
   "And don't mow in that pattern," Keith's dad continued obliviously, "it looks better long ways."
   Keith maneuvered the mower around by ninety degrees and started mowing. He kept the apparition in his peripheral view.
   Some minutes passed.
   "Always follow your dreams!" shouted Keith's dad over the drone of the mower. Keith looked at him.
   "Reach for the stars and follow your dreams!" shouted Keith's dad, "and make sure you use the RCD on that mower cause you know what you did to Uncle Archie's hedge trimmers!"
   "Why are you here?!" shouted Keith. Keith's dad did not answer. Keith continued to mow, up and down.
   "Never deny love!" shouted Keith's dad." You never know when it's coming and it's always worth it!"
   Keith nodded.
   "And make sure you weed before you cut the grass, and pull them out by the roots, else they'll only come back!"
   Keith stopped mowing and started weeding. The weeds were fragile and many, and the roots tenacious in the hard ground.
   "Always stand by your beliefs," said Keith's dad. "If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything." The sun was setting. "And you really should mow the front too before it gets too dark."
   Keith got up and started the mower again.
   "Always tend to others first! And keep the garden tidy!" Keith was on the last length of the lawn. "A well tended garden will tend to you in your salad years!"
   Keith let the mower die down, looked up and opened his mouth to speak. At which point Keith's dad's ghost promptly vanished.

In other news, I also love the Guardian

Beady Eye
The Roller (Beady Eye)

You might not recognise this three-and-a-half minutes of what future generations will see as a massive leap forward in our culture. But mark this day in your diaries, because this song – which sounds like will.i.am has travelled to the year 3098 and collaborated with aliens – will change how we see music forever. Not really. It's just standard Oasis from 1996, and over the guitars, we think we can hear the faint sound of Damon Albarn laughing.

Issy Sampson for The Guardian, 19th Feb

Roy

I love Liam Gallagher

"I heard that fucking Radiohead record and I just go, ‘What?!’ I like to think that what we do, we do fucking well. Them writing a song about a fucking tree? Give me a fucking break! A thousand year old tree? Go fuck yourself! You’d have thought he’d have written a song about a modern tree or one that was planted last week. You know what I mean?”

Roy

An evening in

A rare thing currently, and I have learnt three things:

1. I am a hopeless and unashamed Radiohead nut. And there are millions others out there, some of whom assemble pages full of amusing 'head philosophy. And despite having the whole catalogue to choose from, I increasingly tend to go back to half-known tracks off How Am I Driving and Pablo Honey (namely Thinking About You). What a sentimental fool.
2. The Metropolitan Police seem unable to grasp that the nature of the web makes denying that you charged at protesters on horseback, pointless. And not knowing that your subordinates did, inexcusable.
3. And finally, without Bad Science keeping a keen eye out for statistical pitfalls, I may have missed the survey that found that on average, as people get older, they get older. Priceless.

Royhead.

The full joke, courtesy of the Adam & Joe Show Radiogram

After both amusing and annoying myself all week with merely a punchline, I had to go back to check the setup for that joke:

What do you call a Scottish cow sitting down?

A-knee-lin'-ox
(ie. Annie Lennox)

Ludacrous.

If any of your are not familiar with the Big British Castle's Adam and Joe Show Radiogram, you should be, it's excellent. Thankfully there's always listen again, or the podcast which features all the best chat and some extra chat.

Some decidedly British politics

Well, I'm back. And what nicer to return to than 'Just a Minute' on the wireless and another bit of spot on satire from Great Aunt Henrietta:

The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson has shocked political pundits by pronouncing himself “Queen of London” and sacking the Labour Government – a move described by Johnson himself as “constitutionally bold”. He then went on to establish an “Interim Protectorate”, which will handle the day-to-day running of the country “until the democratic process delivers a nice Conservative government.”

LIFE IS NOT A JOURNEY TO THE GRAVE WITH THE

INTENTION OF ARRIVING SAFELY IN A PRETTY AND

WELL PRESERVED BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN

SIDEWAYS, THOROUGHLY USED, TOTALLY WORN OUT

AND LOUDLY PROCLAIMING

"WOW WHAT A RIDE"

Anon.

Obsession

There are three qualities that motivate me in any activity: exhilaration, elegance, and sharing.

When cycling, I like to cycle fast, feeling the exhilaration of the wind in my face. I ride a fixie, the simplest, most elegant form of bike. I bought it from a social enterprise in Maryhill, sharing the assembly with those who can benefit most from the experience. I love the closeness of the messenger/fixie community in Glasgow, and how the best way to do anything with bikes here is to talk to someone else about it.

When doing design work, I am obsessed with elegance, and seek out the exhilaration one feels when having created anything. I strive for a more sharing community in industrial design, hence Zero-waste.

As for music, this is where all three are inextricably bound up. Playing for excitement, for beauty and for the act of interaction with players and audience, altogether, makes perfect sense to me.

I could go on, applying this thinking to why I do and don't like flying kites, why I like travelling, why I like staying in one place, why I'm unsure about moving flats.

The bottom line is that I'm not hyperactive - I'm obsessive, and will pursue any activity to satisfy these obsessions.

Getting Things Done: An Alternative Model Mark 1

Jimi's good friend Dave is a evangelistic exponent of 'Getting Things Done'. I happened across his workflow diagram as it was discreetly emblazoned around his office, and we got to talking about how mine might compare to his, and the relative merits or lack thereof.

Here's the popular one:












And here's what I came up with:

Jo on the gogglebox...

fast forward to about nine tenths of the way through to see Jo.

Beatboxin' Bush

Malcolm and Jamie...

The following post contains strong language, expertly used:

Scene. Interior of Malcolm Tucker's office.

Malcolm: He loves Al Jolson

Jamie: The guv'nor

Ollie: Mamee!

Jamie: You take the piss out of Al Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock, Then I'll put some speakers up your arse and put it on to shuffle with my fucking fist. Then, every time I hear something that I don't like - which will be every time that something comes on - I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls.


Armando Iannucci's The Thick of It

"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."

Donald Rumsfeld